Character

A very important person in my life once told me that the tough and awkward situations, that most of are not too found of, build character.  He told me this when I was 19 and I remember saying "Well, Im done building character!"I was partly kidding as I know that life is a constant journey of growing but I have thought many times that I would happily welcome a little break from these lessons.  Nine years later I am still experiencing these situations.  Don't misunderstand me, I am grateful for who I have become from all the growth; I never want to stop.  

Romans 5:3-4 says:

3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Even though I am writing about my dislike of challenging situations, most people who know me know that I want nothing but the life God created me for regardless of trials, difficulty, awkwardness, loneliness and seemingly impossible situations.  

Living in Haiti is definitely a character building experience.  I'm always trying to gain a better understanding of who I am.  Who does God say I am?  Regardless of who I'm with or where I am there is a deep rooted identity within me that should shine through.  There is a lot to observe and take in living in a completely different culture.  I am trying to figure out how to be me, receive new customs and behavior and not push an agenda of what I think is the right way.  Sometimes we think something should be one way because thats what we are used to or comfortable with and sometimes its because truly there is a better way.  I find myself a little delayed in my action and speech as I am trying to discern between the root of my intentions.  This is frustrating to me.  

Last Saturday I was at the market buying my weekly groceries.  As a friend and I were leaving the very crowded and busy market a man carrying a box large plastic canisters of tomato paste on his head was walking towards us.  It all happened so fast, it slipped off his head and crashed to the ground.  The sauce went everywhere, all over me and my friend from head to toe.  Time froze for a second.  Everyone(including the man who dropped them) just stared at the ruined product on the floor.  My first thought was that I wanted to give him money.  I can't imagine the income he just lost.  He face showed his loss.  My second thought was what will people think if I just hand him money?  After a few seconds of frozen time everyone continued on as if it didn't happen...and so did we.  I followed my friend as she moved forward through the crowd.  

Honestly, I am so embarrassed to even share this story.  I know I should have given him money.  I am not upset just because I did not give him money, that is not the issue.  I am upset because I didn't do what I felt I should, I knew I should.  Like every situation I know that we always have options when something like this happens, I can either be angry with myself or I can try to understand why I responded the way I did and learn from it.  

I am finding that I have difficulty living in the midst of such genuine great need.  EVERYONE needs help, love, money, prayer, clothing, food, work, and the list goes on.  I want to help everyone.  I want to not just meet their immediate need but also get to the root of their problem and help them figure out how to help themselves.  This is not an easy process AT ALL.  I know my job is not to help everyone, honestly my job is not to help anyone.  My job is to glorify God in all I do and say.  I remind myself of this every day.  I am right where I am supposed to be.

For such a time as this

A few days ago I was driving into town and I saw a man about 70 years old walking down the hill with a walker.  He had an obvious deformity in one of his legs.  The hill he was walking down is pretty steep and very rocky and uneven, defiantly not safe for a man in a walker.  Later that evening as I was returning home I saw him at the base of the hill on his way up.  I decided to listen to the voice inside and stop to offer him a ride.  He was so grateful.  Luckily at the top of the hill was a friend of mine who speaks good english and it just so happens that they are neighbors.  My friend tells me that about 8 months ago the gentleman was walking at night and a car hit him.  The vehicle did not stop and was never found.  He was taken to the hospital where his wounds were treated topically and he was given some pain meds.  That was 8 months ago!  His leg is obviously broken and there is still an open infected wound.  While standing straight his good knee faces forward and the broken one faces inward which means so does his foot.  He can not bend his leg at all and is constant pain.  What little money he was able to earn before the accident is an impossibility now.  He is married but she is elderly also.  There is no family that is able to take care of them.  My heart breaks.  

I have been able to visit he and his wife at their home.  They are both so welcoming, as every Haitian is.  There are a few things that I have been able to do to meet some needs but again, there has to be a greater solution than just giving a handout.  

I just so happened to meet a doctor from Jamaica   We got to talk about the situation which gave me a little better understanding.  I don't know exactly what is going to happen but I am confident that God is bigger than any and every situation.  His hopes are up.  He is encouraged and so am I.  

Meet my friend Volsi

Its hard to believe that its been three weeks.  Im sure I could say that every time I sit to write...I'll try not to :) It feels like I've been here forever yet just got here all at the same time.  There has been a lot going on the past couple of weeks.  There’s been lots of transition all around.  We have had three missions teams since I arrived.  It has been really wonderful getting to spend time and get to know each team.  My apartment was not ready to live in yet so I was staying at the camp with the teams.  Each of them was so welcoming, loving and encouraging.  It was a nice transition into Haiti to be able to spend lots of time with these new friends.  It is really neat to watch the teams as they interact with the members of their team and the Haitians.  Thirteen years ago I was one of those young people staying at that very camp taking everything in for the first time.   Its so exciting to know that God has always been, is and will continue to be.  He planted something within me when I came for the first time just as He did so many times for others before me and is continuing to do so.  You never know why you are where you are.  Nothing is for not and things are often times different than you can think or imagine.  Its quite freeing knowing that you cant do it all correct or plan just right; all you need to do is seek the Lord with all you heart, mind and soul and He will direct your path.  Rest in Him. 

The past couple days have I have been pampered in amazing luxury.  I got the pleasure of tagging along with an American team to the beach!  It was beautiful, breathtaking actually!  Today I am spending some time at a local Hotel, MontJoli, while a friend of mine runs some errands.  The interesting thing about these two destinations is that these are the two places I visited with Rebecca on our last trip together in 2002 before she passed away.  I am reminded of her so much in Haiti but especially so the past couple of days.  I miss her.  I wish she was here with me.  I wish I could do this journey with her, gain from her wisdom and experience and just receive a hug from her.  I remember the way she smells....so beautiful.  Since she passed away 12 years ago I don’t ever remember missing her as much as I do now.  She was one of the most amazing, loving, daring and gentlest people I've ever known.  I am so grateful to walk down some of the paths she paved. 

Also...I am finally living in my apartment!  Yay!! Painting is finally finished and I have unpacked all my boxes!  It is starting to feel like a home.  I have a sweet little neighbor girl, Aga, who comes knocking on my door the second I walk inside.  She helped me clean and unpack and now we play cards together.  I am excited to get to know more of the kids in my neighborhood! 

I got to pray with a vender at the tourist market who is suffering from pain from Chikungunya virus.  She was so so grateful to be loved on and cared about. 

I had numerous conversations about God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, the power of God and prayer, and life in general. 

To say that I am grateful for the many relationships around me is an understatement. Some have continued my whole life and others only last a few days but each one means more than I can express.