For Such A Time As This: March 2015

Change.

Change is not something that Im very fond of. I know I am not the only one. Since I was little I always wanted to grow up in one town and stay there forever. I wanted to have the same friends for a lifetime, have my kids grow up where I did. I know I wasn't meant for a life like that but there has always been something within me that would love it, even if just for a minute. I believe the real attraction to me was the security. Which honestly is silly because there is no promise of security anywhere you go or stay for that matter. Ive always longed for security; this may come to surprise to some of you yet those who know me a little more know this to be extremely true. As much as Ive always longed for this "security and stability", even more so there is something deep within me that cant settle for this. Don't misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with living your life in the same place forever, I think its actually quite beautiful, but for me it would be settling. Anything besides what I was created for would be settling, and what is right for today may not be right for tomorrow. I have always battled the desire to just live a simple life and the stronger desire to seek the bigger purpose, live the life God has planned for me. As much as the battle rages at times there is always a constant peace and confidence within me that knows right from wrong and what decision to take next, even if I only know at the last possible second and with, sometimes, no understanding as to why.

As you know I am living in Haiti right now. I am living in the place that I have dreamt about living for the past 13 years. Living my dream. I knew, of course, that coming here was not the final step in life. Like everything else this was just another step, but definitely a very exciting one. I knew the year would be full of new adventures, experiences and challenges. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do after my year commitment was up. I gave myself until the end of February to make a decision for the following school year. As my deadline was quickly approaching I began to really think about where I was supposed to be. I didn't want to just go back home to Atlanta and have my life look the same as it did before I left. I knew that would be impossible because this life change was not just something I needed to get out of my system, this is who I am. So, as february was passing by day by day I started to think more, should I stay? Should I go? If I go what will I do? And if i stay? I started making a list of what I would do if I went home and if I stayed. The list of things to do if i stayed began to grow longer and longer. It was beginning to be clear to me that staying was the most logical explanation, its where I could be of the most use. A few days before February came to a close I went home to Atlanta on an impromptu visit. It was interesting because I would be home on my decision deadline. On my trip home I had a chance to step away from life and take a mental break. I realized how much I was not seeking God in this decision. I am really good at taking care of myself which can be to my own detriment at times. After much prayer, conversations, meetings, seminars, reading, seeking and just listening I came to a decision. I will not be staying in Haiti next year. I absolutely love Haiti and have loved my time here. There is not something bad that has happened or is happening that is encouraging me to leave. I do not know exactly what I will be doing next. I think that is part of the point of this, that I am trusting God. I really felt like the next steps would not be made clear until I made this decision. I need to walk forward in faith. There is quite a bit of freedom that comes with taking this step. I have complete confidence that this is right. I am excited to see whats next and I will be sure to keep you informed as soon as I know. I will be moving back to Atlanta for the time being. I will continue to be in good relationship with the amazing ministry I am with currently. I am quite excited about this decision. I know there are really great things in the future. Thank you for loving me through all of this and walking with me!

Now for a little photo updates :)